I feel very stagnate. Not really mentally, more-so physically, like I want to go to so many places but can't. I've always wanted to go on a road trip. I don't quite know how to drive yet, or let's just say I'm not technically qualified for it. I'm scared to hitchhike. I don't want to spend a lot of (my mom's) money and time having her take me places I want to go, or buy plane tickets for me to travel. And most importantly I really don't have anyone to travel (or road trip; when I say travel I generally mean close-by places, not too far yet) with. And I can go alone, I mean, it's possible, but let's be honest do I really want to, no. And really I feel like everyone around me is busy, has somewhere else they "need" to be, is too cold, is "sick", would rather go shopping, would rather study for a test that's next week. And I mean I'm kind of picky with who I go with, but not necessarily.. most are in my circle of friends anyways. But really everyone is just "too busy" with other things, and soon enough they'll go to college where they'll most likely drown themselves in their studies of which they're not even the least bit interested in and are just learning to get a degree and get a job and make money only to retire 40 years later and THEN do what I want to do now. Any who I'm not really on that track. I mean I do plan to go to college, and I really have my hopes set on NYU. That's pretty bad actually, the fact that I have my hopes set on it. And if it doesn't happen I'll have to get all upset and reevaluate everything and stuff. I mean I'm usually pretty go with the flow you know what I mean. But a few months ago I really didn't want to even go to college and I was immersed in my plans after high school not involving a day of college at all. But something about that idea didn't really sit too well with me. And after talking to one of my old teachers for a bit a realized college may not be satan's primary resting lodge after all. And long story short I think that if I don't really have any hopes set on any college I might fall back into not wanting to go, because honestly it's not that I really want to go to college—it's that I want to go to NYU, and if it doesn't work out I'll be really confused and stuff you know. That's okay too I guess. I was looking around online and came across an Instagram account @arnaudjeangirard I hope I spelled that right. Okay I just checked, it's right. Anyways, all his photos from him road tripping in the US really inspired me. Wow, I want to do that! Back to my road tripping fantasies, I've really wanted to do it along Route 66 specifically, for minor reasons probably. But those old south-western feels of this country really bring back childhood memories (probably because of movies. I've never lived in those areas really). But anyways, I feel glued to the ground almost. Like I want to go to all of these places and be independent and shit but I literally can't. Well I mean I CAN but it's just not in optimum or even close to optimum conditions. And that doesn't bother me as much as the fact that I'd have to do it alone. And that might be possible in a few years, just not now. His Instagram page also made me realize, once again, how much I love photography. I mean I love a lot of forms of art, don't get me wrong, and I refuse to choose one to focus my "career" on in the future at this point. But something about photography (and designing) just really sit so comfortably with me and give me goosebumps. I love it. I love the drama you can create from the simplest moments of life. How you can make life look so different in so many different ways, or, on the other end of the spectrum, capture a moment or idea so perfectly and aptly that it's almost better than the reality behind the lens. And I don't know why I'm being such a lazy ass with photography especially, considering the fact that I have a pretty amazing and good quality camera and that's all I really need, right. But not really, because my pretentious self keeps saying I need a better environment, more inspiration, a different environment even. And I guess that's partly right, and all of those are related. Different environments inspire me more, and are generally better because they seem more interesting since I'm not surrounded by it everyday, unlike my current situation. But then again I don't even photograph when I go to these environments, I guess because I care too much about what others around me might think, how they might laugh and think I'm just a little 17 year old girl thinking I'm so fucking hipster and taking photos of palm trees only to later edit them and post them on my Instagram with caption "LA vibes".
Gonna go take some photos now. #LAvibes
No comments:
Post a Comment