At this point I'm pretty much counting the fucking seconds until school is done and I can move on with my life, move on from all the materialistic shallow imbeciles I'm surrounded with, go to New York and meet some down-to-earth people who have a deeper meaning/purpose in life besides the way they look, whether they can pinch the fat on their arms/stomach, the pimple they just got on their face or their social status. I can't really remember the last time I had an intellectual conversation with someone, and I think that's so fucking sad. Especially after coming from 10th grade which was basically an entire year full of just that, I'm having serious withdrawal symptoms. The two people I had convos like that with are pretty much done with that shit and moving on to "bigger and better things". And prom ohhh fucking PROM. Basically a popularity contest, makes people feel like ABSOLUTE SHIT if they don't have a date, and gets them going INSANE to find one so they don't look like the "loser" and the very important people in their lives don't think of them and say "how sad". It's actually ridiculous, the way these people are trying to find dates for prom. They don't even care who they go with at this point as long gas they have a date who's at least slightly cool or socially acceptable and a little good looking. God forbid they go with a nice guy who's ugly and unpopular; whew that would severely drop their (already low) social status. Any who, I'm probably not going to go to that shit either ha. So where was I. Oh ya okay I hate the people around me. They're not necessarily bad people or anything, but they're just absolutely stupid and shallow. They don't have stimulating conversations, they're after nothing else in life but looks, money and success/fame. They never talk about their present moment, their futures (in a non-shallow way), ideas/thoughts. The main topics of their conversations are people from other schools, how others look, celebrities, looks in general, and rude/annoying/stupid jokes. Ya sometimes if I'm in a super positive happy shit mood then I'll laugh along, think "they're not that bad" and really they're not, they're not bad, they're just not good. The phrase "I'm losing brain-cells" is usually over-exaggerated or not literal but in this case I honestly think it applies. These last few months at school I've been getting stupider, more shallow, superficial, obsessed with how I look, and fucking annoyed at how everyone has all these random shit friends that they meet or these random shit guys that they're "talking to" three at a time and obsessed with, instead of working on themselves and bettering who they are. But no in all honesty they can do whatever they want. They're not the problem. The problem is that I'm surrounded by them when I don't want to be. And I find it really hard to "better myself" when these idiots around me drown me (that's a poem! that's a really nice fucking poem!) with their shallow, petty concerns. I need to remind myself this occasionally: THERE IS A LOT MORE TO LIFE THAN ALL OF THAT SHIT. THAT SHIT SHOULDN'T EVEN BE CONSIDERED A PART OF LIFE.
Okay I just had another random thought. This weekend I was hanging out with my friend and used the word "asshole" in a sentence, which, now that I think about it I probably shouldn't have done because it sounded stupid anyways, but she made me feel so uncomfortable about it. So note to self: when I go to New York and meet new people for the first time, I'm not going to tell them I'm vegan and I'm going to casually cuss as much as I can initially so I never build an awkward barrier around that. Gonna try to come off as liberal/hippie as possible (which I am, but most people still think I don't know a lot of shit that I actually do, and would be uncomfortable to bring it up around me). Anyways, basically, I want to make people feel as comfortable around me as possible. Does that contradict with what I'm going to do to make that happen? I'm not sure hm.
This doesn't mean that every single person around me is an airhead imbecile. Actually, there are a few people that I really like and love the way they think. Only problem is that they're way higher up than me in the holy social ladder and I'm basically like a piece of lint to them. You know, lint, like some days when you feel like it you clean it off the dryer sheet and some days you just forget about it. Either way, YOU DON'T CARE. And ya I'm over making fucking attempts to even talk to them and get them to be my friends because GUESS WHAT! They have their own friends who are right there next to them on their thrones of popularity and fame and they have no fucking desire to make new ones (especially with peasants like me hahahahaha).
So ya...gonna try and surround myself with slightly different people at least these next few months I'm still stuck here. Until then... "we sit and wait", but once that time comes, ADIOS BITCHES.
